South Park Drabbles
by Genis Aurion
Summary: [Slash]. Eventually every slash pairing will have at least one story in here. All drabbles are less than two hundred words. Take your favorite pairing and enjoy! currently: CartmanClyde, CraigStan, StuartGerald, StanKenny, KyleCartman, and more!
1. 0: Table of Contents

**Drabbles  
**_- Zakuyoe -_

**Disclaimer:  
**_If South Park was mine you wouldn't be reading this. Zak owning anything results in disaster, and it's almost likely you wouldn't have kept watching the show if I did own this.  
_

**Table of Contents**  
1) Calculus - StanKyle  
2) Hell - KennyDamien  
3) Beauty - KennyCartman  
4) Red - CraigClyde  
5) Christmas - KyleKenny  
6) Underpants - CraigTweek  
7) Hate - KyleChristophe  
8) Pavement - CartmanClyde  
9) Football - CraigStan  
10) Alcohol - StuartGerald  
11) Violence - StanKenny  
12) God - KyleCartman


	2. 1: Calculus

**1. Calculus (StanKyle)**

Stan hated calculus.

He'd attend class like a good student would, he'd take notes and pay attention, and he'd do all the homework. Yet no matter what measures he took he never seemed to understand any of it. The overwhelming concepts of related rates, converging series, derivatives, antiderivatives, integrals (which, as Stan found out weeks later, was the same thing as a antiderivative), secant lines, diverging series, and anything else that fell under that adverse topic of math.

In fact, there was only one thing he truly understood in calculus: limits.

"As the graph approaches its vertical asymptote from the left side, what happens?"

"I dunno," had been Stan's reply. It was only for so long, though, that he wouldn't understand the idea of limits.

Granted, however, that if he had never heard Kyle's explanation, Stan would not understand limits, even to this day.

"Say I won't let you touch my ass…ymptote. As your hand approaches my ass…ymptote from my left side, your hormone level reaches…"

"Infinity!"—and afterwards he understood.


	3. 2: Hell

**2. Hell (KennyDamien)**

No one was ever sad when Kenny died.

"Oh my God!—they killed Kenny!"

"You bastards!"—and the three boys would walk away. No reports filled out at the police station—it happened too often. No mourning friends—he'd come back within the next week. No exaggerated funerals to attend—his parents couldn't afford twenty-nine funerals a year.

No one really noticed the days Kenny was gone—they only noticed when he came back. No one noticed when Kenny's absence grew increasingly longer, all up to the point where he'd be gone for a month and no one noticed.

Except for Damien, of course.

"How long are you gonna stay this time?" Damien asks the minute he sees the familiar face approach hell's gate once more. "Long enough?"

Kenny only flashes him an ulterior smile.

Long enough to prove Damien's father isn't the only one getting in on some male action, Kenny supposes in the end.


	4. 3: Beauty

**3. Beauty (KennyCartman)**

Everyone thought Kenny would date the hottest girl in South Park High School.

The porn he looked at was all the proof anyone needed. Despite how crappy his house, being invited to Kenny's house—let alone his room—was indeed a privilege. That boy held hours upon hours of hot, blonde women, commonplace in many of the guys' fantasies that always resulted in an unpleasantly moist bed.

It was common logic to say that Kenny would date a hot blonde like that. Since he was exposed to such pornography, everyone thought that he'd set his standards so high just to get that perfect woman, with stunning beauty yet with a provocative physique. "Kenny's got game," many of them said. "I wish I were him."

How very wrong they had been, however, when they found out in shock that Kenny ended up with Cartman.

A provocative physique, indeed.


	5. 4: Red

**4. Red (CraigClyde)**

"We're too young for that, Craig…"

"Everyone does it, Clyde. Kyle Broflovski does it in the guys' bathroom with Stan Marsh every day after football practice."

"That's just them, then." Clyde looked up at the boy with the blue-toque as he bit his lip timidly. Three months into their relationship and Craig already wanted to get in his pants… somewhere in Clyde's mind a warning bell was ringing. "Can't we wait?"

"Kenny bangs Bebe under the bleachers every morning before class starts."

"Craig, Kenny would bang anyone so long as he'd be getting something."

"Dude, even Timmy has condoms in his wallet!"

Clyde looked at his boyfriend disbelievingly. "That's dumb. And the answer's still no."

"Fine," muttered Craig in defeat, turning his back onto the boy. "I'm watching Red Racer then."

A pause.

"You're too old for that, Craig…"


	6. 5: Christmas

**5. Christmas (KyleKenny)**

The two boys would never understand the irony of it.

One day, as they stared into each other's eyes on a Sunday afternoon with nothing to do, Kyle brushed one of Kenny's stray blonde hairs to the side and frowned. "You have blue eyes."

"I know," Kenny replied, frowning as well. "You've only just noticed…?"

"Well, no," Kyle muttered, biting his lip. "It's just that your blonde hair and blue eyes remind me of Chanukah…"

"Oh?" asked Kenny, giving the Jewish boy an odd glance. "I suppose you would, since you _do_ celebrate it and such."

"Yeah…" The two remained silent for the next few seconds, sighing as boredom took its toll once more.

"Hey, Kyle…?"

"Yeah?"

"You too. Red hair, green eyes. I see Christmas."


	7. 6: Underpants

**6. Underpants (CraigTweek)**

"Underpants gnomes don't exist!" Craig exclaimed for the twentieth time as Tweek pointed somewhere in the distance behind him. "Dude, no!—no one's stealing my underwear."

"But they're—!"

"No, they aren't," Craig interjected. "Look Tweek, you know I'm really patient about your whole ADD case and stuff, but this is getting ridiculous. There're only two times when your random outbursts annoy me: during Red Racer, and while I'm in the middle of seducing you."

"Sorry," mumbled Tweek, twitching slightly.

"Can I continue being your boyfriend now?" Craig asked, and a shy Tweek nodded. The boy did his best to maintain his shrieks and twitches as lips explored skin, hands roamed beneath cloth, but he couldn't help but shriek in utter surprise when it came Craig's turn to strip himself of his own garments.

"Ack!" Tweek exclaimed, pointing somewhere below Craig's navel. "You aren't wearing any underwear!"

Craig chuckled with a smile. "Yeah. I suppose the underpants gnomes took 'em."


	8. 7: Hate

**7. Hate (KyleChristophe)**

Stan always thought they were a good couple. He tended to ignore everyone when they told him that he should've been with Kyle; quite frankly he disagreed with it vehemently. While inside he did like Kyle a bit more than in a friendly manner, the fact remained that Christophe was clearly the one who could quiet Kyle's tantrums.

He'd piss off about the government; Kyle would rant about Cartman.

Christophe would complain about the government's overruling power; Kyle would bitch about his mother's authoritarian tendencies.

And whenever the insults grew too harsh for pleasurable hearing Christophe would always make his accent more prominent when he spoke—accidentally, of course. Stan could never tell if it were a French or British accent; he wanted to say it was British since there were some English words somewhere in there, but at the same time it was so incomprehensible that he knew it _had_ to be French.

If there was one thing Stan did know, however, it was that when Kyle similarly began cursing in a less comprehensible tone, Stan _knew_ he was speaking Hebrew. Yet by the way Kyle butchered the Hebrew language, even if Christophe could understand the language he probably couldn't distinguish "I love you!" from "God-fucking-dammit I hate my mom!"


	9. 8: Pavement

**8. Pavement (CartmanClyde)**

They didn't care when people told them two guys couldn't love each other. Hand in hand they firmly rejected the claims, smiling at each other as they found their opponents at a loss of words.

They didn't care when people told them they couldn't be on the same sleigh on sled races. With hooked arms they firmly accepted the claims, deciding to race in their own sleigh that would outrace all the others.

They didn't care when people told them they wouldn't be invited to any parties together. Arms around waists they firmly accepted the claims, smiling at each other as they held their own party at his house.

And so of course they didn't care when people told them they were the two fattest kids in the school. And even if a complaining Clyde refused to believe he was fat, the two smiled at each other as they continued to walk down the path of life, regardless how heavy Cartman's footsteps would imprint themselves on the pavement.


	10. 9: Football

**9. Football (CraigStan)**

Craig hated English class. For a whole hour and a half he had to endure Kyle Broflovski's comments to Stan as they worked "silently" on classwork. It was the same reason why he hated History class, as well as lunch. The damn Jew didn't know when to keep his mouth shut, Craig had decided—no matter how subtly Craig tried to tell him how annoying he truly was, Kyle only continued on talking.

It _was_, however, the only reason why he _liked_ football practice. Because there, despite the heavy trainings and drills they underwent, and despite how warm the weather they had to endure had been (a rare occurrence, but one nonetheless), and despite how sweaty, smelly, and sticky they all ended up being, the fact remained that there _was_ no Kyle Broflovski. Not to mention, of course, his boyfriend's best friend also would not be there when the time came to hit the showers.

No Kyle Broflovski to pester him as he nibbled on Stanley Marsh's earlobe.


	11. 10: Alcohol

**10. Alcohol (StuartGerald)**

They used to be close friends. They used to hang out in their tree house every day after school, back in the day when there had only been one, long road, when cows outnumbered the people. They used to be best of friends, inseparable from each other, and they used to do _everything_ together.

But then one day they split apart. No one in their ten-person class could explain why they never spoke to each other as they once did, why they refused to sit next to each other. People had claimed Gerald had realized his morals, and didn't want anything to do with Stuart's porn addiction.

Even today, neither man admits what split them apart.

Stuart claims it was because Gerald was treating him as inferior because of his economic status.

Gerald claims it _had_ been Stuart's porn addiction.

But only Randy Marsh knows the real reason. Only he remembers the night when they had all snuck alcohol into his barn, when the three of them had drank themselves drunk. Only he remembers the accidental kiss the two had made, the kiss the two were so embarrassed to face, and the kiss the two were scared might happen again.


	12. 11: Violence

**11. Violence (StanKenny)**

For the longest time, the only person he could trust was himself. He spent each day going to school, wearing that small and now hideous parka of his, tossing lies both left and right, all for the sake of keeping his secret. He'd come home to his shit-hole of a home, allowing himself to be beaten by his drunkard father, allowing himself to be scolded at by his mother, and allowing himself to be the human sacrifice for his siblings' safety.

He would enter his room, pull out the shattered mirror from under his bed, and stare solemnly at the face he found there. He found condolence in his hurt, blue eyes, feeling warmth and a belonging he could find nowhere else. This was why he trusted none else.

Until, of course, that one day, when Stan had realized his secret. But instead of hurting him, as everyone else in his life did, he helped him. He learned that Stan _did_ know what he was going through, having endured the abuse of both his father (when drunk) and his sister Shelley.

Since then Kenny found no need for that mirror. Stan's blue eyes gave him the belonging he sought.


	13. 12: God

**12. God (KyleCartman)**

Kyle hates when Cartman calls him a fucking Jew.

Yes, he's a Jew, but the way Cartman says it, it always sounds so incriminating. Cartman never seems to get over the idea that the Jews killed his religion's god, as if that makes Kyle some sort of criminal.

Stan assures him that he's "just Cartman, dude." But to Kyle, that's not satisfying enough.

One day, he gets his revenge. He corners a particularly rowdy Cartman, and, without warning, presses his lips against Cartman's. Cartman is surprised, of course, but, seeing as he barely ever gets any, keeps up with Kyle's act.

Kyle takes their act to his bedroom, passing by a completely amused Ike.

It's only when the two are in the bed when Kyle mutters, slyly: "Careful with being on top, Cartman. Keep up that weight, and you just might kill a god of your own."


End file.
